so you won't believe what i just did. i undid my ceiling. have you ever seen my ceiling? probably not. some of you who read this definitely have. but if you haven't, this is what it USED to look like:

now, that's an old picture, but it's looked basically like that for the past three and half years, just with different pictures every now and then. but i've never taken everything completely off. but i needed a change. so today i did. i think it's a good step to de-cluttering my life. my room's a lot brighter now. so that's good.

i did it while i watched just like heaven. that's my dog's favorite movie. it's one of my favorite movies, too. gosh, i love that movie. i love that SONG really! that song is definitely one of my favorites. definitely my favorite song by the cure. here it is so you can enjoy it, too:


it's actually a really sad song. about robert smith's love drowning. it's a true story. at least that's what i heard. let me look that up. ok, no, that's not true. it's not a sad song. his girlfriend or whatever never drowned. someone told me that he had a childhood sweetheart that drowned and he never got over it and that's what the song was about and i was like yeah okay that sounds eerily similar to lolita but whatever. but yeah, i just looked it up (on wikipedia, but say what you wanna say about wikipedia, i think it's a pretty reliable source!) and robert smith is married to his childhood sweetheart so she never drowned. and the song even has it's own wikipedia page and it says the song was inspired by a sea trip that robert smith took with his wife, aka his childhood sweetheart, but it was a romantic trip, not a tragic trip. that's good. because even though i'd heard that fake tragic story i'd always thought of the song as super romantic and wanted it to by like one of the songs that me and my future whatever consider "our" songs and like play it at our wedding or something. same with "love will tear us apart" by joy division. now, that song is actually kind of sad. ian curtis wrote it about problems he was having with his wife. it's especially sad since ian curtis's wife had it inscribed on his tomb stone after he committed suicide, making the song kind of tragically ironic for them i guess that lots of people (i'm guessing, considering the fact that it was even played as the first dance song at the wedding in the time traveler's wife), including myself, consider it such a romantic song (kind of, since at least some people know the story behind it, which IS true by the way). anywaaaaay. i'm rambling. have you ever seen "just like heaven" performed by afi? have i ever posted it here? i can't remember why i would have. but i should have at some point. it's so good. it was at an mtv tribute thing to the cure or something. but it's amaaaazing. this is actually one of the only afi songs my mom likes and i think davey's vocals, which i think are great all the time, are at his best in this performance. here it is:


anyway...i don't really have anything else to say. other than my head kind of hurts. that's all i suppose. for now at least.

i haven't done anything interesting these past few days. the other day i hung out with victoria. we went abeulo's and stayed there for hourrrrrs, talking and laughing, until we were the only people there and it was basically past closing time. we were going to go to the midnight screening of orphan afterward, we even bought the tickets and everything!, but then we realized we were both too tired so we got refunds and went home. yesterday i didn't do too much. i watched the 16 and pregnant reunion special, life after labor, in the morning. it was so good. i looooove catelynn and tyler, they are the cutest couple ever and i really hope for the best for both of them! i hope that they last as a couple and i know someday they will make great parents! on a side note, i also really liked catelynn's hair and eye makeup. i actually like all of the couples/cast members. farrah used to be my favorite because of the attitude she had in handling her pregnancy, but it also seems like she had the most resources to handle the baby, financially speaking and also with the support from her mom and dad, which i didn't see as overbearing, but really nice. she's really, really lucky to have that level of support, actually. lots of girls' parents might kick them out of the house or not be able or willing to support her and the baby but her's were and i hope she's thankful for that. i thought whitney looked great! she looked sooooo pretty! i was so sad when i heard that little weston is sick...big weston should definitely stop smoking, i think he's really cute and really caring and a great dad but he definitely should not be smoking around his sick baby, come on! i was also happy to see that ryan manned up for maci because she's so nice and so sweet and tries so hard and i definitely think they could make it work. he's really cute, too, and i like how he got that huge tattoo for bentley. i thought gary and amber looked good, too. they're kind of goofy and ridiculous, but hey, they're trying. i like her haircut, at first i was like hmmm idk, but then i warmed up to it and it works for her. in the post-show interview that's on mtv.com they said they've been dieting. i could definitely tell amber lost some weight, that's awesome, keep it up guys! i don't know much about ebony and her husband because i didn't see their show, but congrats to them on the wedding!

anywaaaay....after that i went to the pool to read and then had lunch on the patio with my mom. then i went to the doctor, then came home because i had to stay with katie that night because my parents were going to a party. katie wanted takeout from red robin so i decided to get some, too, but of course, when i picked it up, my order was wrong. every time i get food from red robin they fuck up my order. this time they fucked it up so bad i couldn't even eat my food! i'm allergic to wheat, as we all know, so i ordered the whiskey river bbq chicken burger with no bun and no crispy onion straws. the burger came without crispy onion straws but the burger was on the bun so i couldn't eat! i called and kind of laid into the manager a bit because every time i get take out there my food is fucked up! he said he didn't want to lose my business, so he's sending me a gift card. i totally wasn't trying to do that or anything, i swear, i was just pissed. but now that i have this gift card it means i'll have to go back there and give them another shot which i probably will.

anyway, after that i worked for a while on my civil war institute scrapbok while watching hot rod (surprisingly funny by the way) and then anchorman (had only seen it once when i was 14, hated it, gave it another chance, thought it was hilarious, totally get what everyone's talking about). then i went to bed and watched the fifth harry potter because i've only seen it once and i already saw the sixth but i needed to clear up some stuff in the fifth because i'd kind of forgotten it. i don't read the books or anything (i got through the third, that's it, it's so sad, maybe i'll read them some day, i don't know, just doing the movies for now....) and i really feel like those movies are ones you need to see more than once to totally comprehend everything, and when i was watching the fifth i realized i need to go back and rewatch the third and the fourth, which is what i'm about to do soon.

today i basically just read my book. had lunch with my dad at bahama breeze. i did a project for my grandmother this afternoon. she wanted me to make an ohio collage to put in front of an ohio-themed basket she made for a convention thing later this week that's going to be auctioned off. i wasn't really sure about what she wanted, so i made this. what do y'all think?

i like it cuz it's ohio-y, and well, i like ohio!

so that's about all i did today. tonight i went to dinner at yours truly and saw the ugly truth with my parents. it was so funny. it really, really is a funny movie. cute, too. it was surprisingly raunchy though. like, i see raunchy movies. i love judd apatow movies and things like the hangover and stuff but this movie was raunchy, not in the omg i can't believe that just did that or omg i can't believe they just showed that type of way, but in the omg i can't believe they just said that way. like they say a lot of words that are usually left to inuendos and such. but still it's so funny. and yes, she has an orgasm at a dinner table. not completely original (i mean first there was the fake with when harry met sally and then vince vaughn got jacked off under the table in wedding crashers) but still completely outrageous. my mom said katherine heigl and her mother produced it and they wanted to make a romantic comedy but one that men could also enjoy, and i think they've succeeded. plus, gerard butler and eric winter are both very hot, so i'd definitely recommend it for that reason as well.

anyway, i've got some stuff to do....so i best go do that.

peaaaace.

these are now up on cwtv.com. idk, these are kinda week....

the new pretty little liars book by sara shepard. who else loves pretty little liars? it's the best!!!! i'm putting it here because it's easier for me to read on lj than in an adobe reader document...and if you like pretty little liars, you can get a jump start on the new book before it comes out on TUESDAY! so here it is, the first chapter of wicked by sara shepard:

The sun also shines on the wicked
—seneca

Inquiring Minds Want to Know. . . .

Wouldn’t it be nice to know exactly what people are thinking? If everyone’s heads were like those clear Marc Jacobs totes, their opinions as visible as a set of car keys or a tube of Hard Candy lip gloss? You’d know what the student casting director really meant when she said, “Good job,” after your South Pacific audition. Or that your cute mixed doubles partner thinks your butt looks hot in your Lacoste tennis skirt. And, best of all, you wouldn’t have to guess whether your best friend was mad that you ditched her for the hot senior with the crinkly-eyed smile at the New Year’s Eve party. You’d just peek into her head and know.

Unfortunately, everyone’s heads are locked tighter than the Pentagon. Sometimes people give away clues to what’s going on inside—like the casting director’s grimace when you missed that high A-sharp, or how your best friend frostily ignored all your texts on January 1. Butmore often than not, the most telling signs go unnoticed. In fact, four years ago, a certain Rosewood golden boy dropped a huge hint about something horrible going on inside his nasty little head. But people barely raised an eyebrow.

Maybe if someone had, a certain beautiful girl would still be alive.

The bike racks outside Rosewood Day overflowed with colorful twenty-one-speeds, a limited edition Trek that Noel Kahn’s father had gotten directly from Lance Armstrong’s publicist, and a candy pink Razor scooter, shined to a sparkle. Seconds after the last bell of the day sounded and the sixth-grade class began to pour into the commons, a frizzy-haired girl skipped clumsily to the rack, gave the scooter an affectionate pat, and began to undo the bright yellow Kryptonite U-lock around its handlebars.

A flyer flapping against the stone wall caught her eye. “Guys,” she called to her three friends by the water fountains. “C’mere.” “What is it, Mona?” Phi Templeton was busy untangling the string of her new butterfly-shaped Duncan yo-yo.

Mona Vanderwaal pointed at the piece of paper.

“Look!” Chassey Bledsoe shoved her purple cat-eye glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“Whoa.”

Jenna Cavanaugh bit a baby pink fingernail. “This is huge,” she said in her sweet, high-pitched voice.

A gust of wind kicked up a few stray leaves from a carefully raked pile. It was mid-September, a few weeks into the new school year, and autumn was officially here. Every year, tourists from up and down the East Coast drove to Rosewood, Pennsylvania, to see the brilliant red, orange, yellow, and purple fall foliage. It was like something in the air made the leaves there extra gorgeous. Whatever it was made everything else in Rosewood extra gorgeous,too. Shiny-coated golden retrievers that loped around the town’s well-kept dog parks. Pink-cheeked babies carefully nestled in their Burberry-by-Maclaren strollers. And buff, glowing soccer players running up and down the practice fields of Rosewood Day, the town’s most venerable private school.

Aria Montgomery watched Mona and the others from her favorite spot on the school’s low stone wall, her Moleskine journal open on her lap. Art was Aria’s last class of the day, and her teacher, Mrs. Cross, let her roam the Rosewood Day grounds and sketch whatever she liked. Mrs. Cross insisted it was because Aria was such a superior artist, but Aria suspected it was actually because she made her teacher uncomfortable. After all, Aria was the only girl in the class who didn’t chatter with friends during Art Slide Day or flirt with boys when they were working on pastel still lifes. Aria wished she had friends, too, but that didn’t mean Mrs. Cross had to banish her from the classroom.

Scott Chin, another sixth-grader, saw the flyer next.

“Sweet.”

He turned to his friend Hanna Marin, who was fiddling with the brand-new sterling-silver cuff bracelet her father had just bought her as an I’m sorry Mom and I are
fighting again present. “Han, look!” He nudged Hanna’s
ribs.

“Don’t do that,” Hanna snapped, recoiling. Even though she was almost positive Scott was gay—he liked looking through Hanna’s Teen Vogues almost more than she did—she hated when he touched her doughy, yucky stomach. She glanced at the flyer, raising her eyebrows in surprise. “Huh.”

Spencer Hastings was walking with Kirsten Cullen, chattering about Youth League field hockey. They almost bumped into dorky Mona Vanderwaal, whose Razor scooter was blocking the path. Then Spencer noticed the flyer. Her mouth dropped open. “Tomorrow?”

Emily Fields nearly missed the flyer, too, but her closest swimming friend, Gemma Curran, looked over.

“Em!” she cried, pointing at the sign.

Emily’s eyes danced over the headline. She shivered with excitement. By now, practically every Rosewood Day sixth-grader was gathered around the bike rack, gawking at the piece
of paper. Aria slid off the wall and squinted at the flyer’s big block letters.

Time Capsule Starts Tomorrow, it announced. Get ready! This is your chance to be immortalized!

The nub of charcoal slipped from Aria’s fingers. The Time Capsule game had been a school tradition since 1899, the year Rosewood Day was founded. The school forbade anyone younger than sixth grade to play, so finally getting to participate was as big a rite of passage as a girl buying her first Victoria’s Secret bra . . . or a guy, well, getting excited over his first Victoria’s Secret catalogue.

Everyone knew the game’s rules—they’d been passed down by older brothers and sisters, outlined on MySpace blogs, and scribbled on the title pages of library books. Each year, the Rosewood Day administration cut up pieces of a Rosewood Day flag and had specially selected older students hide them in places around Rosewood. Cryptic clues leading to each piece were posted in the school lobby. Whoever found a piece was honored in an all-school assembly and got to decorate it however they wanted, and all the reunited pieces were sewn back
together and buried in a time capsule behind the soccer fields. Needless to say, finding a piece of the Time Capsule flag was a huge deal.

“Are you going to play?” Gemma asked Emily, zipping up her Upper Main Line YMCA swimming parka to her chin.

“I guess so.” Emily giggled nervously. “But do you think we have a shot? I hear they always hide the clues in the high school. I’ve only been in there twice.”

Hanna was thinking the same thing. She hadn’t even been in the high school once. Everything about high school intimidated her—especially the beautiful girls who went there. Whenever Hanna went to Saks at the King JamesMall with her mom, there would inevitably be a group of Rosewood Day high school cheerleaders gathered at the makeup counter. Hanna always covertly watched them from behind a rack of clothes, admiring how their low slung jeans fit perfectly around their hips, how their hair hung straight and shiny down their backs, and how their smooth, peachy skin was blemish-free even without foundation. Before she went to sleep every night, Hanna prayed that she would wake up a beautiful Rosewood Day cheerleader, too, but every morning it was the same old Hanna in her heart-shaped makeup mirror, her hair poop brown, her skin blotchy, and her arms like chunky sausages.

“At least you know Melissa,” Kirsten murmured to Spencer, also overhearing what Emily said. “Maybe she was one of the people who hid a piece of the flag.”

Spencer shook her head. “I would’ve heard about it already.” It was as much an honor to be selected to hide a piece of the Time Capsule flag as it was to find one, and Spencer’s sister, Melissa, never failed to brag about her Rosewood Day responsibilities—especially when her family played Star Power, the game where they went around the table describing their most ambitious accomplishment of the day.

The school’s heavy double doors opened, and the remaining sixth-graders spilled out, including a group of kids that seemed to have walked right out of a page of a J. Crew catalogue. Aria returned to the stone walland pretended to be busy sketching. She didn’t want to make eye contact with any of them again—a few days ago, Naomi Zeigler had caught her staring and cawed, “What, are you in love with us?” These were the sixth-grade elite, after all—or, as Aria called them, the Typical Rosewoods. Every single one of the Typical Rosewoods lived in gated mansions, multi-acre-spanning compounds, or luxurious converted barns with horse stables and ten-car garages. They were such cookie cutters: the boys played soccer and had ultra-short haircuts; the girls had the exact same laughs, wore matching shades of Laura Mercier lip plumper, and carried Dooney & Bourke logo bags. If Aria squinted, she couldn’t tell one Typical Rosewood from another.

Except for Alison DiLaurentis. No one mistook Alison for anyone else, ever. And it was Alison leading the crowd down the school’s stone path, her blond hair streaming behind her, her sapphire blue eyes sparkling, her ankles steady in her three inch platforms. Naomi Zeigler and Riley Wolfe, her two closest confidantes, followed directly behind her, hanging on her every move. People had been bowing down to Ali ever since she’d moved to Rosewood in third grade.

Ali approached Emily and the other swimmers and stopped short. Emily was afraid Ali was going to tease them all about their dry, greenish-tinted, chlorine-damaged hair— again—but Ali’s attention was elsewhere. A sneaky smile crept over her face as she read the flyer. With a quick flip ofher wrist, she tore the paper off the wall and spun around to face her friends.

“My brother’s hiding one of the pieces of the flag tonight,” she said, loud enough for everyone else in the commons to hear. “He already promised to tell me where it is.”

Everyone began to murmur. Hanna nodded with awe— she admired Ali even more than the older cheerleaders. Spencer, on the other hand, seethed. Ali’s brother wasn’t supposed to tell her where he was hiding his Time Capsule piece. That was cheating! Aria’s charcoal crayon flew furiously over her sketchbook, her eyes fixed on Ali’s heart-shaped face. And Emily’s nose tickled with the lingering vanilla scent of Ali’s perfume—it was as heavenly as standing in the doorway of a bakery.

The older students began to descend the high school’s majestic stone steps across the commons, interrupting Ali’s big announcement. Tall, aloof girls and preppy, handsome guys ambled past the sixth-graders, heading for their cars in the auxiliary lot. Ali watched them coolly, fanning her face with the Time Capsule flyer. A couple of puny sophomores, white iPod headphones dangling from their ears, looked downright intimidated by Ali as they unlocked their tenspeeds from the rack. Naomi and Riley snorted at them.

Then a tall blond junior noticed Ali and stopped.

“What up, Al?”

“Nothing.” Ali pursed her lips and stood up straighter.

“What’s up with you, Eee?”

Scott Chin elbowed Hanna, and Hanna blushed. With his tanned, gorgeous face, curly blond hair, and stunning, soulful hazel eyes, Ian Thomas—Eee—was second on Hanna’s All-Time Hottie list, just under Sean Ackard, the boy she’d crushed on since they were on the same kickball team in third grade. It was unclear how Ian and Ali knew one another, but the gossip said upperclassmen invited Ali to their A-list parties, despite the fact that she was a lot younger.

Ian leaned against the bike racks. “Did I hear you saying you know where a piece of the Time Capsule flag is?”

Ali’s cheeks pinkened. “Why, is someone jealous?” She shot him a saucy grin.

Ian shook his head. “I’d keep it down, if I were you. Someone might try and steal your piece from you. It’s part of the game, you know.”

Ali laughed, as if the idea was incomprehensible, but a wrinkle formed between her eyes. Ian was right—stealing someone’s piece of the flag was perfectly legal, etched in the Time Capsule Official Rule Book that Principal Appleton kept in a locked drawer of his desk. Last year, a ninth-grade goth boy had stolen a piece that was dangling out of a senior crew member’s gear bag. Two years ago, an eighth-grade band girl had snuck into the school’s dance studio and stolen two pieces from two beautiful, thin ballerinas. The Stealing Clause, as it was known, leveled the playing field even more—if you weren’t smart enough to figure out the clues that would allow you to find thepieces, then maybe you were cunning enough to snag one from someone’s locker.

Spencer gazed at Ali’s perturbed expression, a thought slowly forming in her mind. I should steal Ali’s piece of the flag. More than likely, everyone else in sixth grade would simply let Ali find the piece completely unfairly, and no one would dare to take it away from her. Spencer was tired of Ali getting everything handed to her so easily. The same idea formed in Emily’s mind. Imagine if I stole it from Ali, she thought, shuddering with an unidentifiable emotion. What would she say to Ali if she trapped her alone?

Could I steal it from Ali? Hanna bit an already nubby fingernail. Only . . . she’d never stolen anything in her life. If she did, would Ali invite Hanna into her circle? How awesome would it be to steal it from Ali? Aria thought too, her hand still moving over her sketchbook. Imagine, a Typical Rosewood dethroned . . . by someone like Aria. Poor Ali would have to go searching for another piece by actually reading the clues and using her brain for once.

“I’m not worried,” Ali broke the silence. “No one would dare steal it from me. Once I get the piece, it’s going to be on me at all times.” She gave Ian a suggestive wink, and with a flip of her skirt, she added, “The only way someone is going to get it from me is if they kill me first.”

Ian leaned forward. “Well, if that’s what it takes.”

A muscle under Ali’s eye twitched, and her skin paled.Naomi Zeigler’s smile wilted. There was a chilly grimace on Ian’s face, but then he flashed an irresistible I’m just kidding smile. Someone coughed, making Ian and Ali look over. Ali’s brother, Jason, was walking straight up to Ian from the high school steps. His mouth tight and his shoulders hunched, it seemed like Jason had overheard.

“What did you just say?” Jason stopped less than a few feet from Ian’s face. A crisp wind blew a few stray golden hairs up off his forehead. Ian rocked back and forth in his black Vans. “Nothing. We were just fooling around.”

Jason’s eyes darkened. “You sure about that?”

“Jason!” Ali hissed, indignant. She stepped between them. “What’s up your butt?”

Jason glared at Ali, then at the Time Capsule flyer in her hand, then back at Ian. The rest of the crowd exchanged confused glances, not sure whether this was a fake fight or something more serious. Ian and Jason were the same age, and both played varsity soccer. Maybe this was a pissing contest because Ian had stolen Jason’s opportunity for a goal in yesterday’s game against Pritchard Prep. When Ian didn’t answer, Jason smacked his arms to his sides. “Fine. Whatever.” He wheeled around, stomped to a black, late-sixties sedan that had pulled into the bus lane, and slumped in the passenger seat.

“Just go,” he said to the driver as he slammed the car door. The car sputtered to life, coughed up a cloud of noxious-smellingexhaust, and squealed away from the curb. Ian shrugged and sauntered away, grinning victoriously.

Ali ran her hands through her hair. For a split second, her expression seemed a little off, like something had slipped out of her control. But it quickly passed. “Hot tub at my house?” she chirped to her posse, looping her elbow around Naomi’s. Her friends followed her to the woods behind the school, a shortcut back to her house. A nowfamiliar piece of paper peeked out of the side pocket of Ali’s yellow satchel. Time Capsule Starts Tomorrow, it said. Get ready.

Get ready, indeed.

A few short weeks later, after most of the Time Capsule pieces were found and buried, the members of Ali’s inner circle changed. All of a sudden, the regulars were ousted, and others took their places. Ali had found four new BFFs—Spencer, Hanna, Emily, and Aria. None of Ali’s new friends questioned why she’d chosen them out of the entire sixth grade class—they didn’t want to jinx things. Now and then, they thought about pre-Ali moments—how miserable they’d been, how lost they’d felt, how certain that they’d never mean anything at Rosewood Day. They thought about specific moments, too, including that day Time Capsule was announced. Once or twice they recalled what Ian had said to Ali, and how uncharacteristically worried Ali had seemed. Very little fazed her, after all.For the most part, they shrugged off thoughts like that—it was more fun to think about their future than dwell on the past. They were now the girls of Rosewood Day, and with that came a lot of thrilling responsibility. They had a lot of good times to look forward to. But maybe they shouldn’t have forgotten that day so quickly. And maybe Jason should’ve tried a bit harder to keep Ali safe. Because, well, we all know what happened.

Just a short year and a half later, Ian made good on his promise.

He killed Ali for real.


1

Dead and Buried


Emily Fields leaned back on the chestnut brown leather couch, picking at the chlorine-dried skin around her thumb. Her old best friends, Aria Montgomery, Spencer Hastings, and Hanna Marin, sat next to her, sipping Godiva hot chocolate from striped ceramic mugs. They were all in Spencer’s family’s media room, which was filled with state-of-the-art electronics, a seven-foot movie screen, and surround-sound speakers. A large basket of Baked Tostitos sat on the coffee table, but none of them had touched it.

A woman named Marion Graves was perched on the checkered love seat across from them, a flattened, foldedup trash bag on her lap. While the girls were in ratty jeans, cashmere sweats, or, in Aria’s case, a beat-up denim miniskirt over a pair of tomato red long johns, Marion was in an expensive-looking deep blue wool blazer and matching pleated skirt. Her dark brown hair shone, and her skin smelled of lavender moisturizer.

“Okay.” Marion smiled at Emily and the others. “Last time we met, I asked you guys to bring in certain items. Let’s put them all on the coffee table.”

Emily offered a pink patent leather change purse with a swirly E monogram on the pocket. Aria reached into her yak-fur tote and pulled out a creased, yellowed drawing. Hanna tossed out a folded-up piece of paper that looked like a note. And Spencer carefully laid down a black-andwhite photograph along with a frayed blue rope bracelet. Emily’s eyes filled with tears—she recognized the bracelet instantly. Ali had made one for each of them the summer after The Jenna Thing happened. It was supposed to bind them together in friendship, to remind them never to tell that they’d been the ones who’d accidentally blinded Jenna Cavanaugh. Little did they know that the real Jenna Thing was a secret Ali was keeping from them, not something they all were keeping from the rest of the world. It turned out that Jenna had asked Ali to set off the firework and blame it on her stepbrother, Toby. This fact was one of the many heartbreaking things they’d discovered about Ali after she’d died.

Emily swallowed hard. The leaden ball that had been lodged in the middle of her chest since September began to throb. It was the day after New Year’s. School started again tomorrow, and Emily prayed this semester would be a little less action-packed than the last. Practically the minute she and her old friends stepped through Rosewood Day’s stone archway to start eleventh grade, each had received mysterious notes from someone known simply as A. At
first, they all thought—in Emily’s case, hoped—that A might be Alison, their long-lost best friend, but then workers found Ali’s body in a cemented-over hole in Ali’s old backyard.

The notes continued, prying deeper and deeper into their darkest secrets, and two dizzying months later, they found out that A was Mona Vanderwaal. In middle school, Mona had been a Fear Factor–obsessed dork who spied on Emily, Ali, and the others during their regular Friday night sleepovers, but once Ali disappeared, Mona transformed into a queen bee—and became Hanna’s best friend. This fall, Mona had stolen Alison’s diary, read all the secrets Ali had written about her friends, and set out to destroy their lives just as she believed Emily, Ali, and the others had ruined hers. Not only had they teased her, but sparks from the firework that blinded Jenna had burned Mona, too.

The night Mona plunged to her death down Falling Man Quarry—almost bringing Spencer with her—the police also arrested Ian Thomas, Ali’s super-secret older boyfriend, for Ali’s murder. Ian’s trial was set to start at the end of that week. Emily and the others would have to testify against him, and while getting up on the witness stand was going to be a million times scarier than when Emily had had to sing a solo part at the Rosewood Day Holiday Concert, at least it would mean the ordeal would really, truly be over.

Because all of that was way too much for four teenage girls to handle, their parents had decided to call in professional help. Enter Marion, the very best grief
counselor in the Philadelphia area. This was the third Sunday Emily and her friends had met with her. This particular session was dedicated to the girls letting go of the many horrible things that had happened. Marion smoothed her skirt over her knees as she looked at the objects they’d laid on the table.

“All of these things remind you of Alison, right?”


Everyone nodded. Marion shook open a black garbage bag. “Let’s put everything in here. After I leave, I want you girls to bury it in Spencer’s backyard. This ritual will symbolize laying Alison to rest. And with her, you’ll be burying all the harmful negativity that surrounded your friendship with her.”

Marion always peppered her speech with New Age phrases like harmful negativity and the spiritual need for closure and confronting the grieving process. Last session, they’d had to chant, Ali’s death is not my fault, again and again and drink stinky green tea that was supposed to “cleanse” their guilt chakras. Marion urged them to chant things into the mirror, too, stuff like, A is dead and never coming back, and, No one else wants to hurt me. Emily longed for the mantras to work—what she wanted more than anything in the entire world was for her life to be normal again.

“Okay, everyone up,” Marion said, holding out the trash bag. “Let’s do this.”

They all stood. Emily’s bottom lip quivered as she eyed the pink change purse, a gift from Ali when they’d become friends in sixth grade. Maybe she should’ve brought something else to this purging session, like one of Ali’s old school pictures—she had a million copies of those. Marion fixed her eyes on Emily and nudged her chin toward the bag. With a sob, Emily dropped the change purse in. Aria picked up the pencil drawing she’d brought, a sketch of Ali standing outside Rosewood Day. “I drew this before we were even friends.” Spencer gingerly held the edges of the Jenna Thing bracelet between her index finger and thumb as if it were covered in snot. “Good-bye,” she whispered firmly. Hanna rolled her eyes as she tossed in her folded-up piece of paper. She didn’t bother explaining what it was. Emily watched as Spencer picked up the black-and-white photo. It was a candid of Ali standing next to a much younger-looking Noel Kahn. Both were laughing. There was something familiar about it. Emily grabbed Spencer’s arm before she could drop it in the bag as well.

“Where’d you get that?”

“Yearbook, before they tossed me out,” Spencer admitted sheepishly. “Remember how they did that whole spread of Ali pictures? This was on the cutting room floor.”

“Don’t throw that in,” Emily said, ignoring Marion’s stern look. “It’s a really good picture of her.”

Spencer raised an eyebrow but wordlessly put the photo on the mahogany credenza next to a large, wroughtiron statue of the Eiffel Tower. Out of all Ali’s old friends,
Emily was definitely having the toughest time handling Ali’s death. It was just that she’d never had a best friendlike Ali, before or since. It didn’t help, either, that Ali had also been Emily’s first love, the very first girl she’d ever kissed. If it were up to Emily, she wouldn’t be burying Ali at all. She was perfectly fine with keeping her Ali memorabilia on her nightstand forever and ever.

“We good?” Marion pursed her merlot-colored lips. She cinched the bag tight and handed it to Spencer. “Promise me you’ll bury this. It will help. Honest. And I think you girls should meet Tuesday afternoon, okay? It’s your first week back at school, and I want you to stay connected and check up on one another. Can you all do that for me?”

Everyone nodded glumly. They followed Marion out of the media room, down the Hastingses’ grand marble hall, and into the foyer. Marion said good-bye and climbed into her navy Range Rover, turning on the wipers to knock the excess snow off her windshield.

The big grandfather clock in the foyer began to strike the hour. Spencer shut the door and turned around to face Emily and the others. The trash bag’s red plastic ties dangled from her wrist. “Well?” Spencer said. “Should we bury this?”

“Where?” Emily asked quietly.

“What about by the barn?” Aria suggested, picking at a hole in her red leggings. “It’s appropriate, right? It’s the last place we . . . saw her.”

Emily nodded, a huge lump in her throat. “What do you think, Hanna?”

“Whatever,” Hanna mumbled in a monotone, as if she’d rather have been anywhere else.

Everyone pulled on their coats and boots and tromped through the Hastingses’ snowy yard to the back of the property. They were silent the whole way. Although they’d grown close again during A’s awful notes, Emily hadn’t seen much of her old friends since Ian’s arraignment. Emily had tried to arrange outings at the King James Mall, and even between-classes meetings at Steam, Rosewood Day’s coffee bar, but the others hadn’t seem interested. She suspected they were avoiding one another for the same reasons they’d drifted apart after Ali went missing—it was just too weird to be together.

The old DiLaurentis house was on their right. The trees and shrubs that divided the yards were bare, and there was a crusty layer of ice on Ali’s back porch. The Ali Shrine, which consisted of candles, stuffed animals, flowers, and curling photos, was still on the front curb, but the news vans and camera crews that had camped out for a month after Ali’s body had been found had thankfully vanished.

These days, the media were hanging around the Rosewood courthouse and the Chester County prison, hoping to get more news about Ian Thomas’s upcoming trial.

The house was also the new home of Maya St. Germain, Emily’s ex. The St. Germains’ Acura SUV was in the driveway, which meant they’d moved back in—the family had steered clear of the house during the height of the media circus. Emily felt a pang as she looked at the cheerful wreath on the front door and the overflowing garbage bags of Christmas wrapping paper at the curb.When they were together, she and Maya had discussed what they’d get each other for Christmas—Maya wanted tripped-out, DJ-style headphones, and Emily wanted an iPod shuffle. Breaking up with Maya had been for the best, but it felt strange to be completely disconnected from Maya’s life. The others were ahead of her, approaching the back of the two yards. Emily jogged to catch up, her big toe dipping in a muddy slush puddle.

To the left was Spencer’s barn, the site of their very last sleepover. It bordered the thick woods that stretched for more than a mile. To the right of the barn was the partially dug hole in the DiLaurentises’ old yard where Ali’s body had been found. Some of the yellow police tape had fallen down and was now half-buried in the snow, but there were a lot of fresh footprints, probably belonging to curious gawkers. Emily’s heart pounded as she dared to look at the hole. It was so dark. Her eyes filled with tears as she imagined Ian savagely shoving Ali down there, leaving her to die.

“It’s crazy, isn’t it?” Aria remarked quietly, looking into the hole, too. “Ali was here all along.”

“It’s a good thing you remembered, Spence,” Hanna said, shivering in the frigid, late-afternoon air. “Otherwise, Ian would still be out there.”

Aria paled, looking worried. Emily bit her fingernail. The night of Ian’s arrest, they’d told the cops that everything they needed to know about what happened that night were in Ali’s diary—her very last entry was about how she was planning to meet up with Ian, her secret boyfriend, the night of their seventh-grade sleepover. Ali had given Ian an ultimatum—either he break up with Spencer’s sister, Melissa, or Ali was going to tell the world they were in love.

But what really convinced the cops was the repressed memory Spencer had recalled from that night. After Spencer and Ali had fought outside the Hastingses’ barn, Ali had run to someone—Ian. It was the last anyone saw of Ali, ever, and everyone assumed exactly what happened next. Emily would never forget how Ian had stumbled into the courtroom the day of his arraignment and dared to plead innocent to Ali’s murder. After the judge ordered Ian to prison without bail and the bailiffs walked him back down the aisle, she caught Ian shooting them a searing, bitter glare. You girls picked the wrong person to mess with, his look seemed to say, loud and clear. It was obvious that he blamed them for his arrest.

Emily let out a little whimper and Spencer looked at her sternly. “Stop. We’re not supposed to dwell on Ian . . .or any of this.” She stopped at the back of the property, pulling her blue and white Fair Isle earflap hat farther down her forehead. “Is this a good spot?”

Emily blew on her fingers as the others nodded numbly. Spencer began to dig up mounds of half-frozen dirt with the shovel she’d grabbed from the garage. After the hole was sufficiently deep, Spencer dropped the trash bag inside. It made a heavy plop in the snow. They all kicked the dirt and snow back on top of it.“Well?” Spencer leaned against the shovel. “Should we say something?”

They all looked at one another.

“Bye, Ali,” Emily said finally, her eyes filling with tears for about the millionth time that month.

Aria glanced at her, and then smiled. “Bye, Ali,” she echoed.

She looked at Hanna next. Hanna shrugged, but then said, “Bye, Ali.”

As Aria took her hand, Emily felt . . . better. Her stomach unknotted and her neck relaxed. Suddenly it smelled so good back here, like fresh flowers. She felt that Ali—the sweet, wonderful Ali from her memories—was here, telling them that everything would be okay. She glanced at the others. They all had placid smiles on their faces, as if they sensed something too. Maybe Marion was right. Maybe there was something to this ritual. It was time to put the whole dreadful fall to rest—Ali’s killer had been caught, and the whole A nightmare was behind them. The only thing left to do was look toward a calmer, happier future.

The sun was sinking through the trees fast, turning the sky and snowdrifts a milky lavender. The Hastingses’ windmill slowly rotated in the breeze, and a group of squirrels began fighting near a large pine. If one of the squirrels climbs the tree, things have settled down for good, Emily said to herself, playing the superstitious game she’d relied on for years. And just like that, a squirrel scampered up the pine, all the way to the top.

from the cw:

Spotted: B, her mother and new housemate, Cyrus, drinking Pumpkin lattes at Sant Ambroeus. B looked like she was at least trying to have a good time. Good girl, B! S and artist boy at the Gagosian checking out Richard Serra’s exhibit entitled “Solids.” Artist boy was way into it. S seemed confused but smiled and nodded politely. D and V at the Angelika seeing the Swedish vampire movie Let The Right One In. Perfect Pre-Thanksgiving flick, right? Sure…C and his dad at the Rangers/Bruins game. Aw father son bonding. Love it. J and E at Barnes and Noble. J was looking to buy the movie Irreconcilable Differences. E was looking to buy the book Harry, A History. Seems like J is studying up on divorcing her parents and E is studying up on being a kid wizard? He is so Gryffindor. N getting off a train at Penn Station. Phew, he’s back. Ew, he took a train.



xoxo Gossip Girl

so i'm going to officially say that the season for holiday shopping has begun!!!!

now it comes down to the most important question of the year...forget who to vote for, the election's over...the question on everyone's mind is WHAT TO BUY?!?!?!

i know, the economy's been rough this year, so we're all going to be pinching pennies this holiday, so i'm determined to find the most affordable, and still fabulous, holiday gifts around. so to help everyone out, i'm going to be posting a bunch of holiday gift ideas...some based on price and some based on relationship or personality. i'll try to find some stuff that's affordable, but please forgive me if i find something utterly fabulous that's out of everyone's price range...i apologize because i'm sure this will inevitably be done...what can i say, there's always stuff everyone wants that no one can afford...dare to dream, right? also, i plan on posting some stuff for diy gifts, but that will be in a while, cuz i have to work on that first. please note, that these posts will be rather long and image-intensive, and i don't use lj-cut and no, i'm not going to, so if you don't want to deal with it, i suggest unfriending me or whatever, but if you've been friends with me for a while, you're probably used to it.

hope you all enjoy! i love the holidays!!!!!

from the cw:



Spotted: B and her maid scoping out florists all along Madison Avenue. We’re guessing it’s for B’s big bash. Hydrangeas? Lilacs? What’s B gonna choose? S holding a map and her phone at the Belvedere Castle in Central Park. Looked like she was waiting for someone. Artist boy? D at the St. Jude’s library working furiously on his laptop. We think we know what that story is about. J and model friend walking into a high rise in Midtown. Hmm. Weird. C picking up tickets at Madison Square Garden. Rangers or Knicks? Whichever it is I’m sure his seats are amazing. MIA: N. Anyone know where he is? Would love to get an APB on him. Let me know if you’ve seen him.

xo xo Gossip Girl

i can't help it. i love him.

from usa today:

'Pineapple' star Franco digs deep, plays stoner and serious

Updated 6h 56m ago

By Donna Freydkin, USA TODAY

NEW YORK — James Franco is flying high.
In June, he graduated from UCLA with an English degree. On Wednesday, he's starring in comedy king Judd Apatow's latest romp, the stoner "bromance" action comedy Pineapple Express, with Franco's dense pot dealer Saul going on the lam with his equally obtuse customer Dale (Seth Rogen). And in November, he romances Sean Penn in Gus Van Sant's Milk, a biopic of San Francisco's first openly gay elected official.

"Who would have thought I'd play a Spicoli-like character and then make out with Spicoli in the same year?" wonders Franco, 30, referring to Penn's infamous pothead surfer from 1982's Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Milk producer Bruce Cohen, for starters: "It couldn't be a better showcase for his talent to look at these two roles. They're both different sides of him.

"He's had a lot of life experience," Cohen says. "He can bring the attributes of the young stoner guy he needs for Pineapple, but underneath that is the scholar and the deep thinker and the guy who wants to learn about art and is interested in politics. His performances are complex and layered."

And this year, they are getting major notice. Franco has been kicking around Hollywood since the late '90s, when Apatow's short-lived but critically adored TV dramedy Freaks and Geeks put him on the map and set many teen hearts aflutter. Since then, he won a Golden Globe for his 2001 portrayal of James Dean in TNT's TV biopic and alternately befriended and battled Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker in the behemoth Spider-Man trilogy.

His career has been a mixed bag of the artsy, the big-budget and the plain forgettable. So it's somehow fitting that Franco is back in the spotlight in tandem with Pineapple producer Apatow, who first spotted Franco's lighter side on Freaks, and Freaks co-star Rogen, who realized that the two had sizzling chemistry.

Apatow calls Franco "a very smart, sweet person. He seems to have really evolved over the last 10 years into this really easygoing, approachable, warm man. When we did Freaks and Geeks, he was so hungry and obsessed with the work. It made him a little more of an intense guy. Now, he's very happy in his life."

Switching roles

Apatow and Franco stayed in touch after Freaks was canceled. By happenstance they ran into each other at the Austin airport in 2005, when Franco was promoting The Ape, a comedy he directed, at the city's film festival. Apatow suggested they work together again. Flush from the success of his 2005 comedy The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Apatow sent Franco a script that he and Rogen had been kicking around for years but hadn't been able to get produced. Suddenly, they could.

"We sent him Pineapple for the role of Dale. The idea came up to switch roles," says Rogen, who co-wrote the screenplay about two potheads on the run from a crooked cop and murderous dealers.

The casting flip-flop paid off. Franco, says Rogen, is "so lovable in the movie, and we didn't predict that the lovability of Franco would come through so much. (Saul) was written as the dumbest guy on earth. No one's sitting there thinking James Franco should play (him). Sometimes it takes working with your friends to bring that up and believe it would work."

Franco takes his work seriously, even more so when it comes to the funny stuff.

Even Franco's seemingly thrown-together ensemble — starting with the greasy, matted wig he's sporting — is no accident.

"We're on the run, we don't have the chance to change, I have one outfit, so we'd better get it right," says Franco. "They wanted me to wear these Guatemalan pants. I was like, 'Who wears these awful things?' And Judd and Shauna Robertson, the other producer, are good friends with Woody Harrelson and said, 'Woody wears these all the time.' I even met some other friends of Woody's and they're like, 'Yeah, Woody wears them.' That's how the outfit came about."

He watched all the major stoner movies, including his favorites that "had something more going on" than just endless weed jokes, such as The Big Lebowski, Fast Times and Brad Pitt's stoned turn in True Romance. But he says he didn't actually smoke any illegal substances to get into character.

Wicked wit

During interviews for Pineapple, he gets asked one question repeatedly: How did he and Rogen research their roles? So he has come up with an answer to throw interviewers for a loop. He tells them he experimented with black-tar heroin, but knew when to pull back.

That's his goofy, sharp sense of humor, also on display in his acting tutorials on FunnyOrDie.com.

"Basically, Pineapple is a documentary," he deadpans. "I was always going to play Saul. They found me in my apartment, there was no script, they just came into my place. My dealer came after me. It was perfect."

In reality, Franco says, "I used to smoke weed, but I haven't done it in a long time. Everybody, even now, thinks, 'That guy is stoned.' It's just the way I talk, because I don't smoke weed. Somehow, there's something about me, the way I talk, that implies that I'm on drugs."

Franco calls Pineapple the most fun movie he ever has worked on. He even had a Saul-like moment when he and a friend took his two plus-sized cats for a walk in Los Angeles.

"We got them leashes so we could take them outside, because they're completely indoor cats. They got so scared," says Franco. "We're walking down Sunset and one of them got out of the leash and jumped over the fence to the Chateau Marmont. We were hunting him down in the bushes of the Chateau Marmont."

The real Franco is nothing like Saul, who hides in trash bins, adores his Bubby (grandma) and slushies, and tries to smash a windshield with his foot.

"He's a very education-minded person," says Apatow. "We used to laugh because in between takes he'd be reading The Iliad on set. We still haven't read The Iliad. It was a very difficult book. With him, it was always James Joyce or something."

On the set of Freaks, recalls Franco, "this sounds so pretentious, but I was reading Proust. And Judd is like, 'Why do you read things like that?' I don't know. It's good? But Judd reads. He gave me a great book called A Fan's Notes by a guy named Frederick Exley."

Higher education

Franco is showcasing his cerebral side in November's Milk, Van Sant's pedigreed political biopic starring Penn as gay activist Harvey Milk, the "mayor of Castro Street," who was assassinated in 1978. Milk producer Dan Jinks says Franco was cast because "there's a sensitivity that exudes from him. He can, without trying, make you see into his soul. He makes it seem effortless."

Franco has known Penn for years and has gone to him for career advice. Back in April, after the film was shot, the two were hanging out at the Coachella music festival with Franco's actress girlfriend, Ahna O'Reilly (Forgetting Sarah Marshall). Penn would ask O'Reilly, " 'What do you think about me being the other girl?' " says Franco. "And he would always ask me if my girlfriend was the better kisser."

For Penn and Franco's first kiss, Van Sant was inspired by a video piece from artist Douglas Gordon featuring two people engaged in a three-minute lip-lock, resulting from a 12-hour make-out session.

Penn and Franco's first smooch lasted "a minute. It doesn't sound like a long time, but in front of 200 people, it's a long time," says Franco. "We're sitting on the curb, kissing. You can't deny what's going on. I'm kissing Spicoli and it's still going and it's not stopping and it was when he had a beard and the beard is scraping me. Afterwards, we were like, 'All right, how are those Raiders?' "

Next up for Franco? Tackling higher education once again, as he moves to Manhattan to pursue a master's degree in writing at NYU and Columbia; his two felines will stay back in Los Angeles with his brother.

Road trip

Before classes start, he would like to go on a road trip to check out what he calls "Earth art pieces" scattered around the western USA.

"I've always wanted to see Smithson's Spiral Jetty in Utah, The Lightning Field of New Mexico. And there's Donald Judd's center in Marfa, Texas," he says.

He hopes to write and direct full time.

As for his decision to go to school just when his career is on fire, courtesy of Pineapple and Milk? Franco responds with a Zen-like attitude Saul would value.

"Some people would say (that was) really stupid. It's not like I'm gonna stop acting. It's just that before I did these two movies, I was really tired of acting," he says.

"I was putting a ton of work in and not getting as much satisfaction out of it. So I just needed something else to focus my attention on, to take the pressure off. Turns out that I love school."


Accomplished actor: James Franco is working toward a master's degree in writing and is interested in art.


Playing against type: James Franco is on the lam in the stoner comedy Pineapple Express. Woody Harrelson inspired Franco's wardrobe.


Serious role: James Franco plays Scott Smith, San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk's lover, in Milk, which arrives in November.

i had a really good day.

started out with church...fun stuff. we had this guest singer, mary wynn, and she was incrrrrrrrredible. i was just sitting there with my jaw dropping like wow i cannot believe she has this amazing of a voice. she was awesome.

then i went with my family and victoria to see jersey boys. i have to say, i was really skeptical about going at first. i was like omg i cannot believe victoria and i are going to another musical.....sometimes i'm just like bored out of my mind during plays and broadway's not really my thing, but i usually end up liking shows...but anyway, i wasn't sure how it would be, but i have to say i was very, very pleasantly suprised!!! it was soooooo good!!!! i wasn't bored for a second! it was seriously right up my alley, with the vintage clothes and the great music and the adorable pop art back drops...omg it was so fabulous!!!!!! it was such a great story, so funny and entertaining and i just absolutely loved it! best musical everrrrrrrr!!!!! during intermission my dad's friend, randy, who also came with us, asked me if i had ever heard any of the songs and i was like uuuuum, yeah! this is what i listen to on like a daily basis! it's all about sirius gold, babyyyyyy! yeah, so that was just, fantastic!!!!

after that victoria and i went to geneva on the lake...i know, right???? what an absolutely megalicious dayyyyy!!! i love geneva on the lake. it's just so cute and retro....so fabulously kitschy!!!! some people go up there for the entire summer, but i could never imagine that, just a few days here and there over the summer, but to me it's the epitome of what a summer vacation should be. it's basically like a mini version of the jersey shore, a lot like ocean city, but quieter and more chill. there are lots of cottages you can rent and a big rv camp and one pretty nice resort and a bunch of cheap little motels. there's tons of mini golf, arcades, bars, restaurants, ice cream, and music. i love it! we ate dinner at eddie's, which is like this adorable little open air diner place, loooooove it! i got a chili dog (without the bun of course) and fries and coleslaw and a huge diet coke, lol! hey, it's balanced...i had my protein, and my starch, and some veggies.....hahaha, okay yeah, but it sure was delicious! when we got there there was no music playing, and they have the mini jukeboxes on the individual booths so i was like yes! a dream come true! a place where i can load up on all my faves and people won't know it was me who put on the music!!! i hate that, when there's nothing on and you go up to the jukebox and put on something really lame and it starts blaring out really loudly and everyone knows it was you who did it. this has happened to me many a time, like once at american tavern when victoria and i put on bad to the bone (as a joke!) but we didn't realize nothing was playing because there was some really faint background music, but that started blaring! i had a very similar experience with bitch by meredith brooks at whirlyball....ha, yeah. anyway, i loaded up the jukebox with tons of my faves, the four seasons of course, because i was totally in the mood after seeing jersey boys! and even some shelley fabares, buddy holly and the crickets, the beach boys (perfect music for this place!) and tons of others. i put in way more songs than i had time to stay there for but i figured it was my gift of good music to all of the other people there. after i ate, we walked around the street for a while, victoria got a gyro and a funnel cake and i ended up getting grilled corn on the cob (looove it!) and lemonade. it just seemed so perfectly summery!!!! we walked by the lake and watched some crazy people do karaoke. it was super fun. but then victoria started feeling sick, probably from the nasty (but delicious!) food we were eating, so we came home.

so now i'm here, reflecting on this awesomely summery day, still wearing my adorable outfit (that jones new york leopard circle skirt and that adorable banana republic white collared shirt with my red cardigan and red flats), still thinking about what to do next. i think i'm gonna go play with my dogs! cyaaaa!

one of my favorite bands ever gives papermag their guide to summer in the city:


The Virgins are a kicky, New York-based fourtet comprised of Donald Cumming, Wade Oates, Nick Zarin-Ackerman and Erik Ratensperger, who formed -- of all places -- in 2005 during a Ryan McGinley fashion shoot. Subsequently embraced by fashion-world all-stars like Chloe Sevigny and Agyness Deyn, the boys are in the process of making the transition from Downtown fashion party fixtures into mainstream heavy-hitters -- their catchy, cheeky dance hit "Rich Girls" recently appeared in an episode of Gossip Girl. Following the early June release of their self-titled LP, the boys are headed to Europe to embark on the summer festival circuit. Here's their guide to how to spend a sweltering summer in New York City.

Sit on the one stoop on Spring and West Broadway and gaze at the crowds -- it's always a weird assortment of models, rich people and weirdos.

FrozFruit popsicles: Still 99 cents and they'll fuel your whole day.
West 22nd to 29th Streets from Eight to Eleventh Avenues every Thursday is gallery opening day, so it's a quick and easy way to get drunk for free.

Stand on the corner of St. Mark's and Second Avenue, in front of Gem Spa for 25 minutes and you'll bump into every person you've met in your life.

The West Side Highway is still a good place to relax with friends at night. Climb over the fence onto the pier. It's just north of Canal.

Housing Works is our favorite bookstore downtown. It's between Prince and Houston on Crosby. The books are all used but in great condition. Whoever is selecting and organizing them is awesome. We always find something.

There's a movie theater in the East Village that has a side exit. It leads to a hallway. Every door opens into the back of a different theater. Every theater has A.C.

Sometimes the city gets so humid and gross that you just want to take a long, sweaty walk to get spicy food at the Pakistani Tea House on Church and Chambers.

All Barnes & Nobles and Virgin Megastores are air-conditioned and you can stay and read magazines as long as you want.

The corner of Prince and Broadway is a great place to watch an endless parade of barely clothed girls from Long Island and New Jersey entering and exiting SoHo to shop.

The dog runs at Tompkins Square Park and Washington Square Parks are entertaining because the dogs are always trying to fight and the owners are always yelling at one another.

Jones Beach is not as gross as everyone says. It's a little crappy but really good for people watching.
Visit Coney Island before they tear it down. Call Doc Brown.

They serve beer in the Metropolitan Museum of Art's cafeteria. You can get drunk and then walk around the museum and tell people why art is stupid.

Get a haircut at Astor Place. It's cheap and consistent. Summer's better with short hair.

i'm about to leave for my three week health spa vacation/retreat. somehow, i managed to fill up three large suitcases, and i already shipped two boxes of my stuff there. i have no idea how i did this. i really just brought the essentials. the first box i shipped was mostly books and art supplies. the second box had all of my workout clothes and socks and my nalgene. one of my suitcases has all of my regular clothes, for relaxing/going out/weekends/evenings/etc. and my swim suits and sandals and several different purses to match my different outfits when i go out. the other suitcases has my box of art supplies and pictures and stuff that i made with my therapist (it's mostly art supplies, but also has my self cards, my framed and signed picture of mariska hargitay, and a photo album my grandma made me), my rollers, my curling iron, my straightener, all of my beauty products, hair accessories, perfume, shampoos, conditioners, lotions, and hair products. the last suitcase has everything i couldn't fit in my other suitcases. my dogs (the stuffed animal ones...lucky from 101 dalmations and pal from arthur...they wouldn't let me take riley and sammy), my contacts, glasses, toothpaste, tooth brushes, face wash, magazines, magazine cutouts, my boombox, stationary, laptops, charges for appliances, and some other stuff. i really didn't pack that much, did i? i can't understand how it filled up that much space!!!!! i seriously just brought the essentials. i mean, i'm going away for three weeks, by myself!!!, so i need to feel comfortable!!! this isn't the first time i've gone away by myself before. i've gone to camp, good ones and bad ones, and i went on that school trip to france, but that was different because i went with friends and um hello? we were travelling around europe so it was like so much fun!!! anyway, i've got to go now! write to you from wherever i am tonight!

so today was pretty good. i woke up at a reasonable time, but stayed in bed for about an hour listening to rover's morning glory with riley. after that i watched some law and order svu (the episode with edward furlong's wife...i actually hate that episode, but i watched it anyway) and some really old snl (2004 lindsay lohan, the one with the harry potter skit). then i got an unexpected visit from my grandparents, then finally got dressed and went to the bank and then to target to get some stuff for my trip. then i grabbed some lunch at abuelo's and read my new gossip girl book for a while, then i went to office max to get some pages for my day planner. finally i came home and started packing for my trip while i watched the bachelor marathon on vh1 and unsuccessfully tried to curl my hair. i finally got my hair looking decent (because my mom curled it with her really good rollers) and then i went out with my friends to champs for my "going away" dinner. dinner was fun, then after that we went to east coast custard, yummmmmm! after that victoria and i went to michael's because i needed some modge podge for a collage i was working on, then we picked up josie and went back to my house so i could give her the new pretty little liars book (SO GOOD!) and we ended up watching the new episode of the real world and then i took vic and josie home and now i'm here. good day? good day.

tomorrow i need to get up early. i even set an alarm, gasp! i have an appointment at 10 and i think i'm supposed to drive the dog's down to north canton because they're staying at my grandparents' house during our trip. and i have to finish packing........aaaaah, stressful!

i got a surprisingly early start today. my mom and i mailed some stuff to the health spa that i'll be at starting on friday...thank goodness...and then we went to giant eagle to get cans and then dropped them off at the food bank (it was a court order because of my traffic tickets...i'm not THAT good of a person to just do that without being prompted, although i wish i were). after that we bopped by the mall to get some gift cards for grandpa's birthday, but we ended up shopping around for quite a while because they were having an awesome sale...i got this really cute yellow michael kors coat and this anne klein skirt and jacket...i'm pumped. after that, my mother got cards for all of the various occassions that my family are celebrating next week in cape cod...praise the Lord i won't be there...after that, we came home and sammy freaked out at the snapping turtle that was in our yard...he was kicking it!!!! and then my mom and i grabbed some food at peppermint thai and then drove to the best buy in fairlawn because that's the only place that had the sirius radio and boombox that i wanted for my trip. then i had an appointment, then my mom and i did a little more shopping and then came home. i worked on my latest collage for a while while i watched that old mark whalberg/reese witherspoon movie fear...i'd forgotten how incredibly dirty that movie is! like that one scene where he's fingering her on the rollercoaster and she orgasms...um, yeah, craaaaaazy! that's definitely reese's most risque role ever! i had to stop watching it though because it started becoming way to much like my own life and everything that happened last year....i mean, i've seen that movie a million times on usa and fx and stuff but that was all before...i knew what the movie was about but i like somehow thought it would be comforting to watch because reese and her family triumph at the end, but it was just terrifyingly familiar. so i turned it off and watched the hills with my mom for a while and then i watched gossip girl with katie, and then katie and i watched the end of get over it...and then we had takeout from red robin...and then i came downstairs and wrote thank you notes for all of my graduation gifts while i watched this episode of law and order svu that i'd (shockingly) never seen before...it was about this guy who attacks illegal immigrant women and one of the victims was from bosnia and her brother was like really conservative and thought that no one would ever marry her if they found out about the attack...but he was really hot though...his name is stelio savante and he's from south africa. he's steve on ugly betty, idk who that is because i don't watch ugly betty. according to imdb, he's six feet tall, so that's good...but he's married and has a kid :(. basically, it's the shane taylor thing all over again, lol. anyway, here's some pics:


now, i'm just chilling in my basement, watching summerland on the n. zac efron looks so fucked up on this show. i mean, he was really frickin young, but still....

anyway, that's all for now....gotta go! byeeee.

i have a really diverse taste in music, but definitely the music that inspires me to be myself and be strong and stand up for my beliefs and not take shit is riot grrl/chick rock music like hole, betty blowtorch, bikini kill, shiragirl, sometimes even the donnas, destiny's child, etc....seriously, it just really inspires me to be who i am and after all i've been through (once again, just being honest, not trying to get a pity party), i really need inspiration sometimes to keep being strong...sometimes it'd be a lot easier to give up and just be like, take me world, do whatever you want to me, i'm useless and i can't do this...because sometimes what i go through sucks, but i've been there before, i've given up, mostly because i had to, but you don't want to know about that, and i never want to do that again and this music really helps me to remember that i'm megan and i rock and i'm strong and i don't deserve to be treated badly.

other times in my life, more religious music has definitely played a large role in inspiring me to continue believing and go on living....especially the song "for the moments i feel faint" by relient k and also "get up" by superchick...but that was a long time ago, sometimes i still listen to that stuff, but it's different now...hopefully one day it can be like that again.

as far as pump up music goes, definitely afi...i always swam the best after listening to afi, not really because of the lyrics but because of the beat and stuff...oh, and when i was younger, bon jovi..."it's my life" to be specific. that was my jam.

and yeah, of course, nirvana inspires me in all sorts of ways...nirvana has inspired art, stories, fantasies, etc. for many, many years...yeah, ha.

from the fabulous peeps at ellegirl:

Beach Bum

There's nothing lazy about looking good on the beach

by Molly Hurford

Learn how you can make customized cover-ups, flip-flops and hair clips inspired by our favorite summer hot spot. Because you can’t go and eat lobster rolls and drink lemonade in a two-piece and bare feet.

Towel Cover-Up
Materials:
Towel
Needle and thread (or sewing machine)
Ribbon

Directions:
1. Wrap the towel so it fits loosely around you and could be pulled over your head.
2. If needed, trim the towel down to that size, leaving about two inches for a seam.
3. Sew up the side to create a tube.
4. Measure and add ribbons, either as spaghetti straps or as a halter (if you have a fear of measuring, a halter is pretty tough to mess up).
Voila! Now your towel won’t slip while you’re trying to win a prize on the boardwalk.
BONUS
Towel book saver and sunglasses case
Directions:
If you have any extra pieces of towel from your wrap, sew together two small rectangles to create a sunglasses case or a holder for your favorite beach read! (This is also good for subtly hiding that cheesy romance that you’ve been covertly reading!)

Flip Flops
Materials:
Cheap-o $1 flip-flops
Silk flowers
Heavy-duty glue
Directions:
1. Cut the backs off of the flowers so just the petals remain (a lot of the flowers have plastic stems that just pull apart from the petals).
2. Glue the petals—either a few together or just one flower—to the thongs of your flip- flops (make sure to hold the flowers on until the glue is at least kind of tacky).

Finished Flip-Flops
Now go romp in the hot sand.


Coordinating Flower Barrettes
Materials:
Silk flowers
Heavy-duty glue
Any kind of barrette or combs

Coordinating Flower Barrettes
Using the same technique you applied for the flip-flops, separate the flowers so only the petals remain. Then glue the petals or a cluster of flowers to the barrettes, making sure to wait until the glue is tacky before sticking them in your hair.

T-shirt Cover-Up
Materials:
Oversized men’s T-shirt (check thrift shops!)
Sewing machine

T-Shirt Cover-Up
Directions:
1.Turn the shirt inside out and lay it flat on the floor.
2.Cut out the collar, making it a boat-neck, then cut off the sleeves.
3.Using a loose but slightly fitted shirt or dress as a rough guide to where your arms should fit, pin the sides of the shirt to halfway up the sleeves. Then sew along your pinned lines.
4.Cut off the extra material, turn right- side- out, and you’re all set!

so besides the fact that i'm sick, i guess you could say i'm in a good mood. (sidebar: i really feel like watching the might ducks right now....okay, yeah, i know that was random, back to the story....) i just haven't wanted to write about it yet. i guess in fear of being lame or something...and you know there's always that chance of "jinxing" something by speaking too soon.

anyway....

so the party was good last night, as i've mentioned before. obviously, we invited everyone, because that's what we do. we're always inviting random people to our parties, because that's who we are. i'm megan, i'm always trying to make new friends, i'm always fascinated by people from afar and to me, it's normal to just invite someone i don't really know to a party or something...i guess sometimes this gets me into trouble, but for the most part it's good, i get to know someone new and that's fun for me. anyway, we obviously invited him, and if you know me personally, well actually probably only if you know me really well, then you know who "him" is. since i don't go to school anymore, because i'm on project, it was kevin's job to invite him, but he, "him" not kevin, wasn't at school on friday, and trust me, i checked because i actually was hanging around the school on friday for our calc review so i was kind of snooping around all day. naturally, after school, i made kevin call him, because that's what we do. we only have a home phone number, because we're not that stalkerish, and we couldn't get a hold of him so i left a message, and let me just say, it was the most polite message ever. i probably sounded like i was selling bibles or recruiting him for a church group or something. well, anyway, it was a great message. and i kind of expected to get a phone call back. because when someone leaves a message on our home phone, my parents are always kind of breathing down my back until i return the phone call. so i was getting ready for the party and constantly checking my phone. you know, that paranoid kind of checking, like omg, i haven't looked at it in five seconds, maybe i accidentally hit silent and missed a call! anyway, by six thirty i was kind of pissed that he hadn't called because that's kind of rude. as i've said before, i'm so nice, i'm always inviting people to things and trying to be nice to people and everything and i mean i don't expect you to worship the ground i walk on or anything, i'm just asking that you be a little nice back. anyway, kevin and claudia were at the party pretty early and i told them how i was feeling and claudia gladly volunteered to call him. she did a few times, but again got the voice mail. by the end of the first quarter, i was mad. he hadn't called me back, that's rude. so claudia called again. she said his mom answered. and then she talked to him for a few minutes. keep in mind, claudia is in his grade...but she didn't really know who he was. so she said hi this is claudia from school and i guess he was like yeah, i know who you are. anyway, she asked him why he hadn't called me back and he said he'd never gotten the message, which made me feel a lot better because then he wasn't being rude, he just hadn't gotten the message. so claudia explained what was going on and asked if he wanted to come and he said he didn't have a ride because his mom doesn't like to drive in bad weather, which totally makes since because if you live in cleveland then you know how nasty it was last night. so i told claudia to tell him that i could pick him up and he was like no the game's already started i don't want to bother you and i was like no tell him i'll come at half time it's no bother, really...so claudia kept trying to talk him into coming telling him we had great food and it was super fun but i guess he kept saying he didn't want to be a bother to us and according to claudia he sounded sad. i guess he didn't talk a lot because a bunch of times it was so silent that claudia thought he had hung up. after a while i was like claudia stop because i got the picture that he didn't want to come and so claudia hung up and we kind of laughed it off. i was kind of offended, i mean, i was being nice and all and obviously he didn't want to come and claudia thought he was being kind of rude by not coming.

so i went on watching the game and then i got to thinking about it....why would someone like him, who's shy and all, want to come to a party he's invited to by a random girl in his grade, claudia, that doesn't even talk to him at school? i mean, claudia was kind of giggling during the phone call and all so he might of thought it was a joke or a prank or something, which it obviously wasn't, i'm just saying maybe that's what he thought it was because of the context. it was like i had this epiphany and i was like oh, THAT'S why he didn't want come. so i knew what i had to do. i had to call and clear things up. i can't let things go on having people think i'm a bad person, because i may be a lot of things but i'm not mean and i'm not a bully at all, and if anything i was just trying to be nice because i think this kid is awesome, seriously, hottest and nicest kid in our school. so i don't know what overcame me, but i knew what i had to do and suddenly i had the courage to call his house. i had to go upstairs because i needed some quiet so he would know i was serious about my apology and it wasn't just some dumb party prank or anything. i made sam come upstairs with me because even though i had some courage, i guess it wasn't all that much. so i called and his mom answered and i was like hi it's megan, katie's sister, remember me? and she was like sure, sure and i asked to talk to him so she gave him the phone and he said hello. his voice is deeper than i realized. i said hi it's megan, and he said hi, and i said listen i just want to call and apologize for harassing you, i wasn't inviting you to the party to be mean or anything and i didn't want to bother you or anything i just think you're the nicest kid in our school and i just really wanted to be your friend (i was actually really calm and coherent throughout all of this believe it or not) and i know i probably seem really weird and like a creeper and everything but i'm actually really nice and i didn't mean anything mean or anything by all of this and i just wanted you to know that, because i know how high school kids can be sometimes, and i know how kevin is a little mischevious sometimes and i just wanted you to know that all of this was done with the best of intentions and i hope i didn't hurt your feelings or anything. he was like it's okay, you didn't hurt my feelings, which was actually a little bit of a funny phrase to hear a boy say because you hear teenage girls using it so much and boys use it so infrequently. and i was like really, is everything okay, because you sound a little sad and he was like no, i'm just tired, and my allergies are really bad...and i was like, oh, lightbulb! he wasn't even at school today, megan, you dumbass, he's sick! anyway, i was like oh yeah my allergies are killing me i've been taking sooooo much claritin and he was like yeah i can't take medicine because i'm going to the doctor to get allergy tests done and i was like oooh, well i hope you feel better and he was like thanks and i was like okay, well, i just wanted to make sure that you know i'm not being mean and there's no hard feelings or anything and i just wanted to be your friend but my friends will stop bothering you now and you can like call me anytime or say hi to me at school, but i don't really go to school anymore, but whatever. and he was like everything's okay, megan. and i was like, okay great and he was like enjoy the cavs game and i was like you too, bye! the conversation was three minutes and fourty seconds. i know that doesn't sound like a long time, but it is to me. he doesn't talk much. he really is very shy. rachel said that one time we talked to him in the cafeteria was the most she'd ever seen him talk and she'd been in art class with him all year. so i told myself that for him that was a long conversation...i mean, guys don't talk a lot on the phone anyway, and especially not to girls they really don't know, and he definitely talked a lot more to me than he did to claudia. so, to be honest, i was really rather pleased with that conversation. i really, really was. i actually talked to him! and things seem more normal now. i talked to him like a normal, rational person and now i feel like i can talk to him again if i want to. i have something to talk to him about. i know more about him now. i can be like, hey how are your allergies, are you feeling better?? i know, i'm so lame and really really immature, i just get excited about little things like this...they make me happy.

so anyway, after we talked on the phone (i love it, i can use that phrase, we talked on the phone!!!!) sam wanted to see his picture in the yearbook so we went up to my room. i found his picture, i've actually never even looked at it before because i try to avoid looking at my yearbook as much as possible, and showed her and she was like yeah he is cute. we brought the yearbook downstairs so we could show everyone else the picture and also because yearbooks are fun things to look through at parties. so first i showed claudia the picture because i knew that once she saw it she'd just have an OH! moment and know exactly who he is, which she kind of did, but it was really more of an OMG! moment because she realized that he's in her chemistry class which would then make everything all the more awkward on monday, but worked to my advantage because she agreed to talk to him some more about me, which is really good because kevin is really getting sick of all of this. so by then i really didn't feel well and i was coughing and wheezing constantly so i pretty much stayed with kevin and claudia and talked with them in the other room, mostly about him, driving kevin crazy. claudia says he has weird thumbs. i feel like i've actually heard this from someone else, but i'm not sure.

anyway, i know this is not a lot to be excited about, but i am, because i'm megan, and i'm like this, so i couldn't help it but think about it all day. i couldn't help but wonder if he's thinking about me, too. about the random senior girl who keeps calling him and inviting him to do stuff and who thinks he's the "nicest kid in school" and "really wants to be his friend." i mean, how can you not think about something like that? i'm pretty sure it's crossed his mind at least once or twice today....i mean, i feel like i or any of my friends would be thinking about that. well, but he is a boy, and boys are different, and i don't really know him, so he could've completely forgot about it by now and he probably doesn't care but i like to think positively. i mean if anything, it's got to be a little flattering, there's someone who keeps talking to and about him and who has blantantly told him herself and through other people that she thinks he's really cute and really nice. i mean, a little creepy, sure, maybe, but come on, it has to be at least a little flattering, right?

well, i guess i'm gonna go. i'm watching the san antonio, new orleans game because there's really nothing else on and i can't find anything on tv because all the channels are changed now.....hahahaha, the game is now delayed because the hornets mascot did a stunt and dove through a ring of fire and the fire didn't go out so they had to bust out the fire exstinguishers...wow.

k, well, now you know how weird i am and how little excitement i have going on in my life that something as small as a phone conversation gets me all hyped up like this.

xoxo...megan.

but i never knew about this! ryan wilson in a video for the veronicas!!! i haven't even thought about ryan wilson in like two years and then i started thinking, omg, remember that hot guy that used to be on my future husbands list?!?!?! and i was like, omg, i wonder if he's still hot, so i looked him up, and he still totally is.....and like, i had a pic of him on one of my collages that i got out of ap or something but i totally didn't know it was him!!!! so yeah, this vid is cool, he's a hottie!

favorite catcher in the rye quotes:

Game, my ass. Some game. If you get on the side where all the hot-shots are, then it's a game, all right — I'll admit that. But if you get on the other side, where there aren't any hot-shots, then what's a game about it? Nothing. No game.

Grand. There's a word I really hate. It's a phony. I could puke every time I hear it.

I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.

What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.

Everybody goes through phases and all, don't they?

People never believe you.

Some things are hard to remember.

All morons hate it when you call them a moron.

I'm not too tough. I'm a pacifist, if you want to know the truth.

But I'm crazy. I swear to God I am.

The goddam movies. They can ruin you. I'm not kidding.

Certain things they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone. I know that's impossible, but it's too bad anyway.

I swear to God I'm a madman.

Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will.

Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.

People never think anything is anything really. I'm getting goddam sick of it.

Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around — nobody big, I mean — except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff — I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy.

That digression business got on my nerves. I don't know. The trouble with me is, I like it when somebody digresses. It's more interesting and all.

That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose.

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

some of my favorite art from deviantart.com from catcher in the rye:

(note: if anyone happens to see any of this and its their artwork, just message me and i'll attribute it to you)

isn't it cool?